Lotje Sodderland at the Royal London hospital in 2011. I was so sad to be slow and stupid again. Films confused me the glaring shapes hurt my eyes. We spent many frustrating afternoons trying. Currently working with Film4, Lotje is in development on her first feature. Her friends describe her as someone impassioned, who was busy multitasking, writing films, writing in general, always readingthick books, someone very articulate. Lotje: Im really fortunate to be born with an optimistic personality, and that really helped me as I kept thinking that everything was going to be OK and that the illness is actually not terrible. Lotje experiences a new reality, enriched with colour from the right eye and deeper field of vision, she experiences light and sound differently and she comes to accept that reality she has and is still very thankful about life and her journey is inspiring! I used my phone to really help me. Two months after the stroke, my brother took me to a nearby hospital to be assessed for eligibility. Somebody gave me back my iPhone in the hospital, a few days after the stroke, and I quickly re-learned how to use it and started recording myself. Almost as an excuse, Lotje explains: I was a prettynormal, busy, kind of a clever person. We never wanted this to be seen as just a film about recovery, because its so much more than that, Robinson adds. Then she would strap cables to my head and apply a couple of milliamps of current to my brain for 20 minutes. My mother almost went into shock as she didnt know what to do. I encourage patients to find creative or unique outlets to express themselves and understand their emotions in non-traditional ways other than writing and reading. I had been a film-maker: could I film this? This was always a possibility due to her stroke, it turns out, with or without the experimental therapy, althoughthe TMS may have contributed. She makes it to a local hotel but she cant speak and so she cant explain whats wrong. But at this stage the doctors couldnt tell me why Ihad lost the ability to speak, read, write or think coherently. A formidable Baltic nurse ripped the metal staples from my blood-caked scar. In just a few hours, Mr Tan took on the responsibility of a caregiver giving permission for his wifes brain operation to proceed and watching over her as she went into an induced coma for almost 10 days. And then he came on board as our executive producer, which was obviously brilliant. Filmmaker Lotje Sodderland documents her recovery process from the hemorrhagic stroke she had at 34 and the new life she builds in the aftermath. You dont have to have had a brain hemorrhage.. Its impossible to prove alink between the testing and the seizure, and Iwas later told that I was always at a higher risk ofseizures in the first year after a stroke. We seeLotje struggle with the first sessions of cognitive evaluation and speech therapy, the embarrassment from not being able to remember simple word, her nervous laughter, her apologies for not making a lot of sense, her courageoussmile turning into uncontrollable tears of frustration and sadness. It is very difficult to be other peoples property. Could she learn to live and love with a broken brain? But when I looked back, the words had slid off the page. A fluorescent green laptop screen would flash single words at me and simultaneously play them into my ears; I would repeat them back. I didnt sleep for days. Youve expanded, he said. Before the stroke, I was a documentary producer in London, living in what I now realise was a very high-level cognition world. (laughs), I had to figure out for myself that I was never going to be the same as before and find out how can I work with the new me and see the beauty and positivity in my new limitations.. Vogue may earn a portion of sales from products that are purchased through our site as part of our Affiliate Partnerships with retailers. My life is now split into two: before the stroke, and after. But I used diagrams and drawings and eventually he understood. I was almost back to square one. She became very quiet and withdrawn, while my brother went into saviour mode and wanted to do many things but yet, did not know how. My mum lent me a fiver. Things change constantly for everybody. JOIN NOW Executive producer David Lynch played a pivotal role in Lotje Sodderland's recovery, as explained in this documentary. I'd lost the ability to retain information so I wanted to record this new and terrifying place I'd found myself in. If it feels weird and uncomfortable, well hold off a bit or maybe we just wont do it.. I thought, I wonder if hes had a brain hemorrhage? There hasn't been a huge amount of buzz around it but it's early days, and Mark Rylance is an interesting casting for the titular Big Friendly Giant, There's a lot of expectation on director Damien Chazelle's shoulders following the success of Whiplash, one of the smallest films ever to have been nominated for a Best Picture Oscar. The extraordinary documentary takes you on a journey inside Sodderland's mind, using special effects to recreate the distorted vision she experienced as a side-effect of the stroke and the pulsating colours and strange visuals that became her new normal. There's also thought to be a very meta all-male version in the works from the creators of Jump Street, set in the same universe as Men In Black no less, If you thought Abrams' Star Trek films were bad, feast your eyes on the trailer for the next one from the director of the Fast & Furious franchise. I began to draw, bringing to life the monsters I had seen in visions and dreams. I wondered if these women might be able to help me with the more pressing issue of my sanity. Last year, four years after the stroke, I got married to a wonderful man. The film was initiated by its protagonist herself. I learned to recognise and forgive the subtleties of my mind, the states of paranoia, fear and anguish, and to tame them. Q: Hello, Lotje! I am very fortunate that my friends and family are very loving and supportive. Thedrugs numbed my brain, but I was paranoid and panicked. March 22, 2016. It may sound simple, but it made a huge difference to me. We'll find out in September with Antoine Fuqua's remake of 1960's The Magnificent Seven. But can he make it entertaining the way The Big Short did with the financial crisis? The initial goal of 30,000 was exceeded by 7340. From picking their next holiday to setting up their marital home, a stroke diagnosis was the last thing that the couple in their early forties had in mind. Access unlimited streaming of movies and TV shows with Amazon Prime Video Sign up now for a 30-day free trial. Like many of the UK's 1.2 million stroke survivors, Sodderland spent months trying to relearn how to navigate this new world, where thoughts followed no structure and words lost their meaning. Starring: Sophie Robinson, Lotje Sodderland Watch all you want. Colours were brighter, sounds louder and emotions more raw. Sodderland is lucky to be alive, having suffered a massive stroke which left her unable to speak, read, write and perform even simple tasks. I woke to the sound of nurses by my bed, discussing their Christmas plans. Before, I weighed my quality of life according to how busy I was, both at work and socially. Niamh Malone was a clinical nurse specialist in stroke rehabilitation for more than a decade. She was suffering a massive brain haemorrhage due to a rare developmental malformation of the blood vessels in her brain. And I had fond memories as well. I was just blown away. PEOPLE 2008.3.10 Text: Lotje Sodderland Vlieger & Vandam comprise Carolien and Hein (respectively), a Dutch husband-and-wife team who's happy union was the result of a friend's casual match-making exploits. The challenge is to rebuild your identity, Sodderland told me when I spoke with her and Robinson by phone from Austin, Texas, earlier this week. David Festenstein, who has written a blog about his recovery from a stroke, has suggested that the video and audio recording capabilities on our smartphones can play a vital role in stroke recovery. Midway through filming, Robinson contacted Lynch's agent to try and show him one of these videos and much to their surprise he sent them an email back. Itried the radio, but the sounds were overwhelming. I opted instead to volunteer for an experiment on my brain, using transcranial direct current stimulation. My vision was overcome with lurid green and purple grids. It didnt, she says, After her stroke Lotje Sodderland tried electronic pulses to fire up parts of the brain responsible for reading. SXSW. It helped me to communicate - sending messages to friends and remembering what questions I wanted to ask the doctors. . Filmmaker Lotje Sodderland documents her recovery process from the hemorrhagic stroke she had at 34 and the new life she builds in the aftermath. Filmmaker Lotje Sodderland documents her recovery process from the hemorrhagic stroke she had at 34 and the new life she builds in the aftermath. A bullet hits his right frontal lobe, and another hits the left subclavian vein in his chest. Sodderland describes the process of making My Beautiful Broken Brain as essential to her recovery. Join thought-provoking conversations, follow other Independent readers and see their replies. My brother describes the old me as extremely dynamic, extremely social, very impassioned. I put it on Vimeo with a password. Jan later filled in the gaps. When did that happen?SR: Netflix had come on board, and suddenly we were in a very real situation, where the film was actually going to go out globally to 190 different countries. My Beautiful Broken Brain aired on Netflix on March 18, 2016. A white name tag was strapped around my wrist. I woke to hear a voice debating the benefits andpitfalls of dipping a ginger nut biscuit in tea,and knew I must be in hospital again. We sent that link through his agent, and other means of contact. While there have been moments of mourning for my old life, my new limitations mean I have been forced to unravel exactly what I was made of. Do you remember Lotje? Lotje Sodderland is a director and writer, known for My Beautiful Broken Brain (2014), Limbo (2021) and Can You Rebuild My Brain? Videos Sophie, when Lotje got in touch, what did you think?SOPHIE ROBINSON: I was in the middle of an edit of another film. I'm not able to work to the same level, and multi-task,as I did before. They realised that the recovery process can feel monotonous without some spontaneity. It was a big moment of acceptance. He has only ever known me in my new incarnation, and who knows -he may not have liked the old me. Lotje reveals her tips on adjusting to acquired communication disorder aphasia and finding a new way of life in her present reality. As a neurology inpatient at the Royal London hospital, I was nothing more than my case number. At the same time, having tamed my hyper-sensitive receptors through daily meditation, wouldnt it be just like the old me to risk it all in the name of adventure? Sodderland still struggles to read and write and has had to accept the differences in her new life. The hospitals language therapist had promised to get me discharged as soon as possible, assuming I was eager to go home. At the same time, Ive learned to look at the world in a really different way. I was in hospital, unable to speak or communicate. 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