Hi Ruqyah I was stunned and heart broken. The first 3 years were great. I was blamed for not believing that it would happen or for giving him hope. Thats comes to another issue I have with our relationship while l every time I need him to be there for me emotionally he manages to bail on me or argue with me because I come off as being mad to him. Dear Dr, We argue about money a lot which I think is probably normal for a lot of couples. Im not so clear on whats happening. But then around 4 months ago I got sexually assaulted while out with a girlfriend and it left me very emotionally apart. I was going to end the relationship but he opened up to me and admitted he had a problem. . I feel so bad for what I have done to this woman that I truly love and respect! I honestly am confused and hurt and dont know what to do anymore. Look how youre acting. Now, on top of it, you have fallen into depression. Well then in June or July 2013 I went on his yahoo account and there were emails on there off of craigslist personals between him and other woman in 2012. There was a gorgeous movie I once saw in Chinese (I think) with English subtitles: Hang the Red Lantern (or something like that). As for where to live, there is such a thing as a roommate service you can look into. Just for the fantasy and pleasure for us to share. But his words also remind us that behind the clouds, the sun is always still shining. Neither of us have a history of cheating or doing such thing. Like get off social media. I have no desire to leave the relationship. He asked why now? Focus on loving yourself more than hating them When you are hurt, a lot of negative emotions like sadness, disbelief, and anger take over you. Good luck! You have to watch yourself very carefully not to inadvertently enable your husband. I fear that well be several days without talking because he doesnt have this need to talk that I do and also maybe he feels that if he contacts me hes giving me a hope that hes not sure of. Hi The Lightened, I have struggled to have an emotional connection with him for a long time, possibly years. We have been there only two weeks and he tells me he doesnt love me anymore and will be moving into an apartment. I gave them a time limit, saying Id be back in around 20 minutes. Maybe you want to talk and not talk at the same time. Things were going pretty well after that. Youre being crazy all Ive done is try to talk to her. There are many examples of this kind of thing. He says he is in love with me. How do I make him fall back in love? Who's your supplier? I love this girl with all my heart and I did not mean to hurt her. Then I spoke with the co worker one on one and she told me she will back off but my husband is not going to change his mind or how he feels. Also he had lost a job around the same time. My wife didnt know me as anything but a healthy member of AA. I dont think you really, really know who he is deep down and I dont think he does, either. I have been totally working on myself also inside and out. I told him last week. After several visits to New Orleans over the years and a lot of convincing from family and friends I made a very quick and somewhat regrettable decision to leave the girl I love and move to this city in hopes of furthering my craft. With all of what I told you can my marriage be saved? I dont know what to do. He doesnt want me to talk to him. We began making love 3-4 times a week. I took a minute to reply, but told him I dont want you to leave. perhaps even for the first time. =/ Im so confused and if she decided to leave him and come back, I have such strong feelings for her but I dont know if I should take her back. conventional wisdom says to move on, but im not interested in doing that. This is not the first time this has happened, but we always manage to decide to work around things and still be together. nobody. Copyright 2011 by By Deb Hirschhorn, PhD. Good luck! She invited me to a wedding months ago and said the clothing was informal. We had sex again and started talking about getting back together. We have to start telling ourselves that we are a good person, that we were born to give the world something special, that life is meant for us to be happy with, and so forth. And in retrospect, I am not convinced those feelings of hatred were actually for him. He is not a problem solver. The argument led her to the point that she threatned to call police if I ever come to get family house again i:e baby father or contact her or any mem5 of her family or friends. Am I crazy for trying, Should I end it now, Should I continue trying to get it back, Does this happen to other couples? From a happy and positive person that I have always been I turned into a miserable woman. A couple months later he cheated on me with his ex fiance. Hi Shena About six months ago, we had a blow out because of what I perceived as a radical change in her behavior. We are on our last straw and my boyfriend of over 2 years; known each other for 3, wont talk to me until I tell him what he wants to hear or have something told to him that he doesnt know. Soon after that, she broke down, genuinely apologized and begged for forgiveness. Second of all, I dont know what you mean by Ive worked through my issues. The way I do therapy, there is a need to start with Self-Love because the lack of it causes people to feel like victims way too often. If we do divorce I will try to get custody of our children and that will start a war with no end. I feel like every time he left me I had a wall build around me that just got bigger and bigger. I wish I could change the past but I cantI clearly didnt love him thenor if I did I loved myself moreI was a selfish child I know but what do I do now? 13: Make it a movie night Then my brother died tragically in a mva. Well time wanton and his ex became a thorn in my side along with his crazy mom. Since then, I have stopped drinking, started therapy, started exercising, and applied to an internship. Hi Carmen, He was extremely inexperienced, and kept things from me for awhile about him doing things with other girls (one was returning with hickeys after the night he was supposed to break up with the other girl he was dating because we had decided to be monogamous. And he keeps saying that he wishes that the REALLY bad physical fight would have never happened & I was living there again but was moving my things out because it was obvious that it wasnt working & he sat in the court room and stated that he was just storing my things for me and I only had some clothes there because I was there based off of a purely sexual relationship. Im trying to deal with my depression and going to counselling and he refuses to see or care that not living in our home with him is actually going to add to my depression not help me over come it. You'll move on. She has to be willing to forgive me. I do recommend counseling as long as it is with a trained and skilled marriage counselor who understands what Ive just said. I lost a lot of weight another guys told me how good I lookedhe never said one word! She was new to town and I had grown up in the area we met, so I welcomed her into my family and showed her many things about the new area she was living helping her adjust to her new transition. I screwed up & have TRULY tried to tell him how I felt betrayed by him because of the drinking/drugs and I was not going to come 2nd to a beer! I am not saying her reaction was nice. He was stunned, so was I honestly. So confused! None of that is helping. for her and she lost the sparkright now im so She is literally more angry about it now then she was when she first got the message. Until the time arrived for him to choose between two different jobs, one in his country and one in the country where I live. Im glad I found thisI am having the same issue right now. Now in his early 40s and hes just talking about it. Hi Doctor! Feelings count! We finally met in September. Theres love, passion and chemistry uniting us but things arent always easy. PLEASE READ: I met my sons father when I was in high school he was 2 years younger he was the perfect gentle men we were inseparable we had love like the movies. Will I ever get over this pain of always feeling inadequate to other women in his eyes!?!?!? please reply ASAP? And he says he still loves me and is attracted to me. He seams like hes sorry but it could all be a act. Was I wrong to have done this? Thats good you are in therapy. and for the past 5 years I lived a life where I was scared to leave the house unless necessary out of fear of having another attack. did he do that? Interesting that he has a not-nice mother and an ex-wife that was not nice. We were mentally matched. I thought you said the gut is just a dude that comes in the hood. I figured I had to be that girl so if it happened again at least I didnt give my all. 3 months later, he contacted me and wanted to explain himself. Q: Is he a loving and devoted father to the kids? Ive been trying to research these and understand him more. This is human nature though - we tend to value things once we REALLY realize that they can be taken away or gone at any time. Come to find out my husband has been in a relationship since June of this year with his co worker. My boyfriend and I were dating for going on 11 years. To the point where hed find me sickening and he would cry. Her father found out what I had done and told me He would not tell her but I needed too so I agreed that I would. She has to be willing to step outside of herself and do the hard work. She actually texted me yesterday (I havent responded) and partly came clean on why we broke up. Several hours had passed since we had made the plans and had not heard from him so i sent him a text. I have been married for almost 11 years, next month. I know that he cares deeply for me and I dont think he truly wants to give up on me. But I cant go through non-stop abuse and humiliation to get there. "Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat.". She was heavily pregnant and due in a week.I wish I had a car to pick her up. I would do anything to have him back I love him so much and with everything we have been through I cant imagine him calling it quits. I have tried to be the strong person in our marriage, I finally had decided that his jealousy and distrust in me has come to an end. That day I had my son in my arms and I took him home with me. Is this the reason you cheated? Furthermore, you have not gotten to the root of her behavior or your own. Then we fought, and i forgave him and i really did put it in the past. Neural Correlates of Hate, PLoS ONE 3: e3556. I said no, I cant. Well I did not want to dwell on that since she already told me not to worry about him. I cant get angry or anything if she does something wrong because I feel she will want it to be over between us! What he feels is happening to him not you. Anyway, my boyfriend found out but I lied and it was very obvious. He said he sits in therapy and where before he would have cried, he just feels nothing. Well during one argument, he asks me whos thing was bigger. Why the hell people prefer drug over someone who really love and heart? Heres the thing: You actually dont know who your husband IS and neither does he. Please feel free to ask me any questions; I realize Im giving a very short answer to a question that requires lots of details; thats why Im thinking the book would be of help. Thank you! I said so you guys planned this?. I believe thats because somewhere deep down she knows the guy isnt a good character but shes too busy filling the voids I left her with to want to leave him. But its been 2 years now and he brings this up everyday, yes I get it I hurt you Im sorry but to bring it up everyday? And is it possible for us to fall in love again? Have a convo. I dont know what to do know to make him believe I was really sorry, that I hurt his feelings and give me another chance. He met me at my car door. I am slowly getting over him, the last three weeks I have been in such utter despair and pain, memories that break my heart anew every time I remember them. 2. I asked her to please talk nicer to me when she is upset and asked her if she would start trying to play a part in my familys lives. He said he wasnt sure. I just cant get over the feeling that I will get hurt again, sooner or later. It is so hard to make it be all about me and my recovery. I forgave him after some days, tried to work at it again. 6. They stood by my house fire 45 mins. If you go on the first visit with him (which is common practice for marriage & family therapists) and insist on no confidentiality restrictions, then you will be able to know if he shows up at his sessions and is making progress. He treated me like I was his diamond. Tonight he broke up with me. Now, the first time I trust him again he breaks boundaries I had thought I set (yes she can please you, does not mean yay sexy free for all). But can she just leave me alone and move on with her life rather than torturing me emotionally?. Since the last two weeks in April my husband has been spending the weekends with his female friend. She is afraid just like me to leave each other and start over cause of AIDS and the thought of getting to know a person and hoping that they are not gonna cheat or be violent. To my horror I stumbled across hundreds of calls to 2 numbers belonging to our mutual female friend. Craig you have no idea how i feel everyday i just want thibgs to be the way They used to be. As you can note from my two previous comments, cheating comes from very deep emotional issues such as a belief that good things dont come your way in life in general, or a terrible fear of intimacy. That is understandable. He hates head games. My H and I are currently separated. She did not. I tried to tell him how hurt I was but he felt if he showed me he loved me then I shouldnt worry about his crazy ex. So he cheated. Suppose we project into the future. But I do have a question: How do you know for certain that you wouldnt relapse into those same behaviors if he gave you a full and complete chance? Please get your health checked now that youre having sex again. He proposed to me this year, on our 7th anniversary, and i say yes. plz tell me how do I get my parents understand this and how can I make that guy believe that I do love him a lot n reallyy wont hurt him aftr . Until this incident. What can I do, or do I do anything at all yet and just give him time to process it all? You have to live with all the bad habits and annoying behaviors that you might once upon a time have found endearing. Therefore, it would be natural for him to be skeptical of your changes if you havent done this (you dont indicate what you did to work through them). 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Feeling that I truly love and respect would happen or for giving him hope movie night my! On that since she already told me how good I lookedhe never said one word one.

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